K. Clarke Vs P. Mandelson

Sagging pear and human-St Bernard hybrid Ken takes on dark-side advocate and death grinner Pete. Flab rolling poetically with his movements, Mr Clarke is all easy charm and grace in the opening sparring. Unfortunately, Mr Mandelson has learnt 'the choke' from his mate Darth and Kenny gasps to the floor, like a strangled puppy.

J. Torrode Vs G. Wallace

The opinion-to-fact machine and Aussie suit-wearing John takes on dough "sweet tooth" ball flubber, Greg. Torrode opens with a volley of verbal predictions about the fight result, which Wallace ignores. Instead he imagines Mr T as an enormous cupcake and, suitable motivation found, he bites into Johnny's leg. The fight peters out into a draw with Torrode explaining how his leg is 'underdone' as he drags beached whale Greg around the court.